Teen!England X Suicidal!Teen!Reader – Razors (Part 1)

Your POV
I watched as the blade cut through my pale wrists, a slick line of blood oozed out the wound, just like the tears swelling up in my terrified (e/c) eyes. The Reason I did all this was because of all the stress in my life, I don't have a family who cares, they'll just shrug me off if I needed something or if I was upset and wanted to talk to mum, she'll just called me depressed and that'll never get better. I don't have a father cause he left a decade ago, when I was five. My brother is nowhere to be found, ever since he went missing two weeks ago, mum has lost all hope… How much I wanted to help and say "he'll return… I promise" it never came to me; I couldn't pull myself through saying that… I couldn't promise… When she was drunk, she'll say 'oh, I'm doing this to cope'… It didn't help me cope, it just hurt me more…  The only person who cared about me was Arthur, the amazing, blonde haired, green eyed Punk… He was there, since the very beginning…Whimpering as I pulled the blade out my skin, the cut was around 9cm long,, 4cm deep, not deep enough to kill me, but deep enough to scar. I had given up on caring about scars, it's not like anyone would care, apart from Iggy. I was sick of this life… pulling a pen from my draws beside my bed along with my diary, randomly opening it up to a blank page, I started to write ~

"I've finally been ripped apart and my soul has been blackened and shattered into a million pieces, tiny fragments that will never be put back together, those tiny fragments, making holes and slashes n my body, oozing with blood. Everyone hates me, they don't care about me, they don't care if I live or die, they look at my and laugh, at the pitiful person I am.

I wasn't meant to be born. I was such a mistake… So you've told be mum…  When you used to beat me, when you were drunk… how you threw me against walls, how you used to wrap your fingers around my throat. Trying to murder me… Then the next morning, no apologies… No nothing… All you did was give birth to me, give me food, clothing, somewhere to sleep and education.. That's it... No love? No, I thought not….. You clearly don't give a shit about me… No wondered Brother left us… He Hated You

Arthur, I love you so much, my amazing best friend, You've been so kind to me, the only person whose really cared for me, Without you, I would have probably done this a long time ago. You tried to stop me cutting, but you couldn't, I've fallen to deep for anyone's help. I'm so sorry for the pain I will cause for you, I really am. Please, don't forget me Arthur.

I know how I'll do this, I'll take my razors and end my life, slicing them through the skin on my wrists, blood spilling out, you'll never find me… Only one person might… And if he gets there before I've died…. I feel gilt fly over me… No one has the right to weep for me, only one, Iggy.. You can cry as much as you want, because you loved me. Please continue your life, and become happy… for me…

Love,

______________________________"

Taking a look at the note, I smiled, feeling a huge relief off my shoulders, blood smudges scattered the page. Going into my secret box under my bed, I gathered up my razors and slipped them into my (f/c) hooded jacket pockets, then grabbing the note… exiting my bedroom in a hurry, I sprinted down the wooden stairs. Storming into the kitchen to see my mother with a wine glass filled half way, next to the glass was a half empty wine bottle, I hope she chokes.. I spat out in my head. Walking in front of her slouched position, the note was slammed onto the table "I hope you're proud of yourself" I growled with venom in my tone. Seconds later I was out the house and into the cold night. The clouds were a navy blue colour, filled to the brim with rain...

End of chapter one…..